Gwenly

I want to talk about two events from my 2025, and how these two events can be described with one word: healing. I see now that my 2025 was for healing. This time last year, I remember feeling very different. At this point, I can’t recall what exactly I was feeling and why, and truthfully I really don’t care to dive into it now anyway. What I do know is that this year, the whole year but more importantly the end of the year, I’ve felt so much better. I want to unpack that a little bit, a sort of reflection I suppose. To keep it interesting, I’ll sprinkle throughout this post some “2025 Favorites”, I tried to keep track of them, but I’m also kind of picky.

Music, according to me. (I also have a Spotify Wrapped, but those are so weird sometimes).

Albums:

• The Life of a Showgirl – Taylor Swift
• Man’s Best Friend – Sabrina Carpenter

Artists:

• Taylor Swift
• Sabrina Carpenter
• Muse
• Masayoshi Soken (Final Fantasy composer)

TV

• Gilmore girls (my first watch)
• Only Murders In The Building Season 5
• Stranger Things Season 5
• Friends (my first watch)
• Dancing With The Stars (I hadn’t watched a competition show in so long, and this was so fun)
• The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives (we all need a silly reality TV show, and I guess this one is mine, I have no shame)

Choice # 1

We’re going to get a little personal now, but this was a huge part of the majority of my 2025. In March, I made a big decision. A very carefully considered and thought out decision. After just over 10 years of being on the birth control pill, I quit. I took my last pill in March 2025, and I even took 2 or 3 photos each night to commemorate the occasion, counting down to the last one. This choice was very personal and ultimately, the right one for me. I’m now 9 months free, but the immediate difference felt sort of life changing.

I was one of the lucky ones that really had no physical or mental side effects from my pill. Well, after trial and error of a few others when I was 18, that was fun! (No, it was hell, ask my Mom). Finally my body and mind responded positively to the pill I would take for the next 10 years, and life went on as normal.

At some point, suddenly, something changed. I can’t remember when it was exactly. Maybe 2023? 2024? With 2024 being the worst… I was at a mental low. Sure, a lot of things had changed for me between 2020 and 2024. But I’ve always thought of myself as a generally tough person, I can handle the rough stuff, I can push on. I was not feeling this way suddenly. It was more than that though, and I really could not pinpoint the reason for it. The way I was feeling… I could not make sense of it or figure out the cause. The only word I can think of to try and convey what I think I was feeling is: Depression. I was up and down, but mostly down. Horribly down. In an attempt to make an already long story, somewhat shorter – I felt useless, pointless, directionless, unsure, doubtful, and while I never felt like I wanted to do anything scary, I also had this feeling of wishing I could just disappear.

Anyway, I did a lot of research, and after many, many theories and ideas, and experimenting with different mental health tricks and tips and “feel good” exercises… I wondered if something was actually chemically wrong. This only made me even more upset, because I did not want to see a doctor, and I did not want to be prescribed any sort of medicat- wait… that’s it, it came to me one day. That’s it. Medication, chemicals… hormones… my birth control. After much research I was set on the possibility that my birth control had suddenly turned on me, why? Who knows, age is the only explanation I could really find. It’s not unheard of. Our bodies change as we get older, and it was my guess that my body, specifically my mind, and my pill just weren’t mixing anymore. I’m not an expert and won’t pretend to know what I’m talking about when it comes to this kind of science, this was only my own experience. Here was my rationale: I was convinced this was my problem, mentally, and I also figured 10+ years on birth control pills was long enough, physically. (I’m still sometimes nervous it did some sort of damage).

So, I quit. I just set a date and I quit. One day I took my last pill and that was that. It felt almost instant, although it was probably more like a week or two, which is still pretty quick, when I felt as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Like a thick fog had been lifted from my mind. As if I could literally see clearly again. My overall mood improved, consistently throughout the month. Now the only mood fluctuation I have is right around when you’d expect it. Which still sucks, but its short lived and can usually be helped with snacks and being a couch potato. The only thing I was really worried about were other side effects from stopping hormones after 10 years but, nothing ever came of it, and things stayed completely normal and on schedule. This is my “wow, the female body is actually incredible” moment.

Movies

• Operation Mincemeat
• Conclave
• Apollo 13
• Harriet
• The Intern
• The Six Triple Eight

Video Games

• Final Fantasy VII Remake
• Fortnite (don’t come for me!)

Choice # 2

In early September, I got bangs. That’s the simple way of stating it. What really happened, at least what it felt like to me, was I took a little piece of me back. Have you ever looked in the mirror and not really felt like you knew the person staring back at you? Who are they now? Where did the old you go? Looking into my own eyes felt weird. Is that weird? It felt off. I looked different, I am different, I’ve changed and my life has changed. Is this a midlife crisis?? Is this just being in your 30s? What do we ladies do when we need to change something? (I mean, besides quitting your birth control pill, apparently). We change our hair. Poor hair, always the first casualty. Especially when bangs are in consideration, which is kind of funny because they tend to grow out so quick.

I had bangs as a kid, according to old pictures anyway. At some point though that stopped and they were grown out and I took on the middle part. Then, around 11 or 12… maybe 10? (cut me some slack), I remember getting bangs again. Only this time I hated them. They were awful. They weren’t styled or face flattering. It was as if the stylist was told to just cut straight across and call it a day. Plus they were thick. So they looked bad, and I got teased for it. That was the end of true bangs for me. I had wanted them off and on over the years but only ever dared to try the “side bangs” and the face framing shorter pieces, but never anything actually covering my forehead, like a true bang does. Back to 2025… I went to get my hair trimmed and spur of the moment told the stylist “Okay, hear me out, because I just really need to do this… can you please give me bangs?”. We pulled up some inspiration photos and she went to work.

The result? Another win for my mental health this year. A win for the reflection looking back at me. A win for my childhood. I can’t explain how such a small change made me feel like I found me again. I said to my fiancé, “I feel like I just reclaimed a part of myself”. Look, I won’t get into why I think those bangs when I was a kid looked so bad, but I have one theory about why it went wrong. That is for another time, if ever. The point is, for the longest time I had it in my head that they were ugly on me. That I couldn’t pull them off and that wasn’t my style. On top of that, I was afraid to ever try again. Now, as an adult, this time I was able to speak up, say what I wanted, and more importantly, what I didn’t want. Looks aren’t everything, but they are still pretty important to most people, and it sure does help you get through the day when you feel confident in your appearance, and like you aren’t a stranger to yourself.

Books

• Onyx Storm
• House of Earth and Blood (Crescent City, Book #1)
• The Perfect Marriage

So those are my two most impactful personal moments in 2025. I think the reason they were so impactful is because they were directly related to improving my overall mental health. I don’t think I’ve ever taken such specific actions for my own mental health, to be honest. The long lasting positive effects from two very different decisions is crazy, but I’m grateful.

If you’ve made it this far… first of all, I’m impressed and only a little sorry this ended up being so long. Afterall, you could’ve just clicked away. Second, I hope this was a good read, and can be helpful or inspiring. At the very least, I hope the stories were interesting. I’ve read it over a few times now and part of me is thinking this is too random yet also too specific for an “end of year” type post. But its already written. It felt good to write these things down, as if I just let out another deep breath and cleared more of my mind.

Well 2025, I bid you farewell. Thank you for being one of my better recent years.

Today I wrote a small letter to myself from 2025 me. I tucked it away in my notebook, labeled “Do Not Read Until 12/31/2026”.

Thank you for reading, I’m happy you’re here, and I hope 2025 was good to you.

Happy New Year!